BLeach

Shred Your Pain

I've been going through some old files in my office today, trying to determine what to keep, throw away, or hand off to Tal. 

When I got to the "C's" I found a counseling file which contains my confidential notes from various crises I've dealt with in the past eight years.  These include sensitive conflicts, some of which required multiple meetings and church discipline.  Some of them even had me convinced at the time that the church was going to be irreparably damaged.

I realized something encouraging as I looked through my notes.  I experienced a lot of stress while walking through each situation, but until today I didn't even remember these things happened.  Once I saw the notes I could recall some of the details, but it had been months, and in some cases years, since any of this stuff had even crossed my mind--which reminds me of one of my favorite phrases in the Bible. 

It came to pass. 

That thing you're going through right now that feels like it's going to crush you.  That thing you just want to try and ignore because it feels so overwhelming.  You know, that thing you're just convinced is going to be the death of your dream.  Yeah.  That thing.

It won't be too long and you won't even remember it!

Looking back, I can identify the real benefit of these experiences.  God increased my emotional endurance.  Very slowly, and very painfully, He's been building my capacity to lead through difficulty and resolve conflict.  And I'm grateful for it.

Now I get to do something that I'm going to really enjoy.  This file that I'm talking about--I'm about to shred it!

Are you in the midst of some epic difficulty today?  If so, don't give up.  Persevere.  Endure.  It won't be long before your pain is a distant memory on its way to the shredder.

If You're Not Narcissistic...

Have you ever caught yourself praying self-centered prayers? Have you ever evaluated your thoughts only to realize that a large percentage of them were all about you? Have you ever caught yourself stewing, focusing, worrying, or brooding over your own needs? What about constantly interjecting your own questions, needs, or problems into conversations with others?

Yesterday I had a fascinating conversation in which someone pointed out that there are really only two reasons we become self-centered. 

First, narcissists are self-centered. That one's a no brainer. But I don't know many people who are truly narcissistic. 

The more common reason we become consumed with ourselves is because we're in pain. Think about it. How often do you think about your feet? If you're narcissistic you may think of them all the time and look for every opportunity to wear sandals so you can show them off. But if you're not consumed with how beautiful your feet are, you probably won't think about them unless their hurting. If they are, you may not be able to get them out of your mind.

If you find yourself obsessing over your own needs it may be that there's some wound in your heart or mind that's desperately in need of healing. If so, be encouraged. God is a powerful healer. 

Let him make you whole, so you can know the joy of obsessing over others. 

I Still Do

Sunday was my 100th day of marriage.  Incredible how fast three months can pass!

Last night I had a dream that I was back at my wedding again.  Like most dreams, a good chunk of it was incoherent.  I didn't recognize the place.  I didn't even recognize a few people in the bridal party.  But I recognized Leah, because when I woke up I felt just like I felt when I first watched her walk down the aisle 102 days ago. 

Absolutely grateful.

Then I turned to my left to make sure that she was still lying next to me and that I hadn't dreamed the entire past three months:)  And sure enough, Sleeping Beauty was there!

The dream got me thinking about the nature of commitment.  I didn't realize on January 19 that in 100 days I would feel even more confident about making a life-time commitment to Leah.  But I do.  The confidence I felt in my covenant decision three months ago was real.  But today it's even more real.

Commitment is difficult for many people today.  Do I commit to my girlfriend?  My boyfriend?  My church?  There are obviosly several factors that go into such big decisions.  But when it's the right person, or the right church, I wonder why we hesitate.

One of the most common questions I get from spiritual seekers whenever an opportunity for water baptism comes up in our church has to do with the weight of commitment.  How do I know if I can commit the rest of my life to Christ?  I still have so many imperfections?  What if I fail Him?

But here's the strange thing: The feeling of confidence that we think we're missing, that we're waiting for, it often grows after we make the commitment. 

I remember hearing Rick Warren say that we don't grow to commitments, we grow through commitments.  What if growth doesn't always precede commitment?  What if the courage to commit actually produces conviction that we wouldn't stumble upon simply by waiting?

I made a commitment to Leah 100 days ago when I looked into her eyes and said, "I do."  Now, after three months of laughter, conversation, and tears, I still do. 

And much to my surprise, I think I mean it even more.

Hanging With a Legend

This afternoon I had the privilege of spending about three hours with Dr. Gary Collins.  Previously I've got to know this Christian counseling pioneer through his big books I've been required to read for class.  But reading the books can't quite compare to conversation with the author. 

Several things struck me as we sipped our lattes.

Gary (the name he insisted I use) redefined for me what it means to be seventy-three years old.  He works out several times a week.  He published a new book last year and revised an old one.  He actively seeks out opportunities to hang with young men.  He constantly asks great questions.  And he's extremely well informed regarding current trends in ministry.  Three of his most recent reads: UnChristian, Off Road Disciplines, and The New Christians.

Dr. Collins also shared the backstory to much of the criticism he's had to face as a pioneer in his field.  He began writing several years ago, at a time when psychology was really looked down upon by the majority of Christian leaders.  It was fascinating to hear how he braved a fierce debate and blazed a trail for hundreds of Christian counselors.

Some of the nuggets of advice that will stay with me:

On Marriage:

• Your wife will usually feel the criticism you receive more than you will.
• Respect is a key to building a healthy relationship.  Never move ahead with a major decision until she is in absolute agreement.
• Keep laughing together.
• Help your wife develop her own, unique identity.

On Life and Ministry:

• Don't travel alone.  Use your trips as opportunities to journey with someone.
• Never stop asking questions or wrestling with tension.
• When I get depressed I ask myself, "What am I angry about?"

On Getting Published:

• Answer two foundational questions: What do I have to say?  Who am I saying it to?
• Read.  All the time.  Especially from those authors who would have similar answers to the previous two questions.
• Write as often as you can to develop the skill.
• Be prepared to explain to a publisher what makes your book different.
• I don't always write because I'm an expert on the subject.  I also write to learn.
• Watch for opportunities to publish articles.  They have the potential to give you credibility with publishers.

Toward the end of our conversation, Gary asked me how he would be able to continue to learn from me.  Yep, you read that right:)  My response:

I might be willing to coach you, but I'm not sure that you can afford my rates.

OK, not really:)  But he did ask the question.  And when he did he reminded me that good teachers become great teachers because they never stop learning...

from anyone they can:)

Quotes of the Week

They say come as you are, but they're only talking about the first time. (Joi, my friend and fellow dreamer, on unspoken dress codes in some churches).

I don't know if I have the emotional fortitude to be a Lion's fan.  (Leah, world's best fiance, as we watched our first Lion's game together).

For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.  (Henry David Thoreau, author and philosopher, on why I do what I do).

Note To Self: Don't Do That Again

Samson's story has always amazed me.  Before he told Delilah the secret of his strength (Judges 16), he told his first wife the secret of his riddle (Judges 14).  The guy just had a problem keeping his mouth closed.  Both slip-ups led to the Philistines gaining an advantage, but the consequences connected to the second were obviously much more severe.

The kind of life-altering sin that shipwrecks our future doesn't happen out of nowhere.  Monumental mistakes can usually be traced back to a pattern of small ones. 

I wonder if Samson ever thought back over his journey as he entertained the Philistines without his eyes, a shell of the man he was destined to be?  What might he have written in his moleskin? 

Small mistakes uncorrected can become large mistakes.

I don't think successful living is perfect living.  Success is simply gained by learning from our mistakes.  If we're honest when we fall, and vigilant about making the necessary corrections, we can turn one-time mistakes into ongoing victories.

And I love the redemptive ending to Samson's story.  He killed more Philistines by dying well then he did in the entirety of his life.  Good reminder that it's never too late to be the man you could have been.   

Weighty

I've been teaching one of our Wednesday night on campus Life Groups through the Book of Hebrews.  Last night we arrived at chapter 6.  I'll be honest.  I've kind of been dreading our arrival at chapter 6:)  It's a heavy passage.

Weighty.

It describes a person who becomes so hard-hearted that repentance is an impossibility.  The issue is not that God is unable to forgive him.  It is that his heart has just become too hard to crack.

My humble opinion is that most teachers and scholars get lost in this passage with the eternal security debate.  Was this guy a Christian who lost his salvation?  Or was he never saved to begin with?  To me that question is a side issue.  The bottom line is he's not saved now.  He's in a dangerous position described in verse 8 as near to being cursed.  He hasn't lost it all yet, but he's close.

The perspective for this passage comes in verses 9-12.  The goal of this warning is not to cause every Jesus' follower to lose sleep worrying about the unpardonable sin.  In fact, in verse 9 he quickly says I'm confident this won't happen to you.  I think the take-aways are summed up in verses 11 and 12. 

Show diligence or earnestness (verse 11).  In other words, don't take faith for granted.  Strive for growth everyday. 

Don't get lazy or sluggish (verse 12). 

For what it's worth, I think a regular dose of self-examination is the best way to guard against spiritual laziness.  The problem is I often lean toward turning up the TV or making a phone call.  I create distractions.  After all, if I quiet down enough to look inside; to really look inside, I might not like what I see:)

What if passages like Hebrews 6 are better felt than debated?  What if we took a moment to acknowledge the tension with eternal security and jump off the theological merry-go-round.  We might allow ourselves to feel the weight of this warning? 

That would be a vulnerable position.  What might Jesus say to us then?

Open your eyes.  Look in your heart.  I've already seen it.  Let's wash you and make you whole:)

Saul and Shepherding

I'm at Central Bible College for Alumni Board Meetings this week.  It was nostalgic to be back in chapel yesterday.  John Lindell from James River shared a rich exposition from Saul's anointing for ministry in 1 Samuel 10.  I think I'll still be re-reading my notes several months from now.

One insight really stood out to me.  When he met Samuel he was looking for his father's donkeys.  They were lost.  And he spent 3 days trying to find them.  He didn't actually find them until Samuel finally told him where to look. 

Saul was inept as a shepherd.

Perhaps that's why he ended up trying to kill one of his leading warriors.

Some of the greatest leaders in the Bible were experienced shepherds. 

Moses

David

Jesus is the Chief Shepherd.  In fact, one of the primary distinctions between Him and the religious leaders was that while they functioned selfishly like a hired hand Jesus had the heart of a shepherd.

The first small church I've ever been in was the church I started.  Before starting Church of the King I was in mega-churches all my life.  I've always expected Church of the King to grow large.  I still do.  But I've grown to appreciate the various seasons in our church's growth. 

25 people

50 people

100 people

150 people

200 people

I don't know that I'm a shepherd by nature.  And if our church had started as a mega-church right out of the shoot I doubt that I may never have caught the heart of a shepherd.  But at distinct points in this five year journey Jesus has shared his heart with me.  It's a heart to care for people, protect them and feed their spirits. 

His is the heart of a shepherd.

My Manna Addiction

Hi, my name's Brad Leach and I'm a manna addict.

A little backstory...

Genesis 1 and 2 tell the story of creation.  For five days God got creative with oceans, stars and animals.  When he was done he called it all good.  On the sixth day he created Adam and called him very good.  On the seventh day he rested from his work.  That day, his rest day, he called holy.

Good.

Very good.

Holy.

Was God tired?  Did creation wear him out?  I don't think He rested because He needed to.  He rested because we need to.  And God has always led by example.

So after breaking the Hebrews out of Egypt he told them to remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.  God made it holy.  He set it apart.  It was up to them to keep it that way. 

Exodus 16 tells us about the Israelites introduction to manna; a mysterious bread that fell from heaven.  There was just one catch.  Whatever you didn't gather during the day was lost to the sun.  So they went out everyday to work to put food on the table.  And they would have gone out on the seventh day as well.  God knew it.  So he gave them a manna mandate.  On the sixth day they were to gather twice as much so that on the seventh day they could rest.

Well, I can't really point a finger at what they did because I probably would have been out there with them.  When day seven rolled around, they went back out looking for more manna.  Here's the funny thing.  There wasn't any.  God didn't send it that day.  He was serious about their rest.  So they went out to work but didn't get anything done. 

That sounds familiar.

Are you sitting down?  This may come as a shock.  Some days God isn't in our work.  Some days he wants us to rest.  Some days he wants us to take a break from putting food on the table to remember that He is the One who puts food on the table.

I think most church planters are manna addicts.  I never took a day off in the early days of our church.  I convinced myself that the church would die without my constant attention.  It's really quite funny now that I think about it.  I took myself way too seriously.

Friday is my day off; my Sabbath.  So Friday is the day I typically feel my manna addiction the most.  I wake up and start twitching:)  I feel compelled to turn on Outlook.  I feel compelled to call into my voicemail.  I feel compelled to work on a message.  And I realize every Friday that I am one sick dude:)

To learn to trust is to learn to rest. 

So Subtle

Secret sin is so subtle. 

I spent some time this morning meditating on David's sin story in 2 Samuel 11 and 12.  Ouch.  Sin hurts.  But first, sin lurks.  Then, like a lion quietly waiting to pounce, it sinks its teeth into the human spirit.  The degeneration to follow is so subtle. 

S is for the Slippery Slope.  David's story started with a glance.  That was it.  One innocent look.  Then a line is crossed in his mind.  There was no going back.  So a line was crossed with his body.  Now there was really no going back.  So David engraved his sin with the blood of an unusually loyal soldier.  I doubt he saw that one coming.

U is for Uriah Deserving Better.  Perhaps this is sin's unique effect on leaders.  Self-preservation led David to take advantage of the man who was fighting for him.  Uriah the servant-hero deserved to know that his king had his back.  Instead his leader was plotting behind it.

B is for the Blown Battle.  Joab made a tactical error ar Rabbah that ended with the death of David's men.  But David didn't care because he was so relieved that Uriah was dead.  Secret sin redirected David's passion into a misguided fight for personal survival rather than his kingdom-oriented fight to conquer the enemy.

T is for Truth Going Underground.  David spent the next several months living alie.  Nathan tried the indirect approach but not even his parallel story awakened the truth in David's soul.  It took the direct approach.  It took a finger to his face.  It seems to me that honesty, transparency, and authenticity are all casualties of secret sin.

L is for the Look on God's Face.  This one hurts.  This one really hurts.  Read the last verse of chapter 11.  God wasn't mad at David.  There wasn't a scowl on His face.  There was a frown.  God was displeased.  He felt the kind of disappointment that a father feels who has given everything to his son and would have given more (12.8). 

E is for Eventual Exposure.  What's done in secret will be broadcast by daylight (12.12).  Time has a way of accomplishing this.  Either we will expose the truth to the light ourselves or life and time will do the job for us. 

Then there's 2 Samuel 12.24.  I'm glad the Holy Spirit included this verse.  If any of the above thoughts hit a little close to home, read this verse. 

S-O-L-O-M-O-N is for God's Grace.  Not only was David's legacy extended, but even his relationship with Bathsheeba was redeemed.  God's grace overshadows all the subtleties of sin. 

Second Chances. 

Don't be afraid of honest assesment.  And take courage to start again.