BLeach

The Eulogy That Shaped My Vows

When I wrote my wedding vows just over four weeks ago, I organized them around my personal core values as a new husband.  To help discover those core values I imagined myself looking on at my own funeral as Leah shared her eulogy.  And I wrote the eulogy that I hope she'd be able to write.

Tomorow I plan to post my wedding vows.  But first I thought I'd share the forward-thinking eulogy that helped me write them. 

A few disclaimers: Please remember that this is imaginary; I'm not dead yet:)  Also, this a description of the husband I hope to be remembered as in several  years, not necessarily the one I am today; although I have had a whopping four weeks of practice!  But with that in mind, here's what I hope Leah would be able to say in about 50 years...

I'd like to say a few words about my husband, Brad.  He was the funniest man I ever met.  Seriously, he always knew how to make me laugh.  He might not have been the world's greatest cook, but he was always there for dinner.  He made time to listen to me, to believe in me; just to be with me.

We had alot of fun during our first year of marriage, setting up our house, getting the Christmas tree out of the living room, and watching football.  We laughed alot.  We even cried a little.  We accepted every adventure that came our way and made alot of memories.

Raising kids had its challenges, but Brad was there every step of the way.  He prayed over them each night.  He never missed a game.  And when I had an opportunity to pursue a ministry opportunity or connect with a friend, he re-arranged his schedule to hang with them.

I'll never forget the night we left our fourth son at college.  I was wondering what would be next for me, wrestling again with questions of identity and mission.  He reminded me of God's call on my life.  He listed the gifts that were in my life.  And he blessed me to pursue a fresh set of dreams.

Most of all, I'll always remember Brad's simple focus on Jesus.  He used his name alot, particularly as he prayed over me.  He used his life and teachings as a model for our marriage.  And he depended on Jesus.  He drew strength from Jesus.  He spent time with Jesus, which is probably why I regularly saw Jesus in Brad. 

Rest in peace, Brad.  Now I'm going to put all your Piston's posters in the basement.

I Promise

This morning I finally finished writing my vows!  I'm sure I'll be tweaking them right up until the ceremony tomorrow morning.  Personalizing my commitment to Leah and putting it into words is one of the best things I've done during our engagement.

Honestly, I felt a little nervous writing these vows down, not because I doubt this decision, but because I so deeply want to keep these promises to Leah.  I feel like I'm 24 hours away from embarking on the most challenging adventure of my life.  And I can't wait to get started!

After more than fifteen million minutes of living, I'm down to about 1,620 more before I say "I do!" 

1,620 more minutes to memorize these vows. 

And a lifetime to live them.

The Best Man

The best man is...my dad.  Hand's down:)

I'm honored that he is going to stand by my side this Saturday and bless my commitment to Leah.

My dad has bailed me out.  He has mentored me.  He has created memories for me, at every stage of life.  Not to mention he is the inspiration for my golf game!

When Leah and I start having babies (no need to start predicting:) I won't have to jump into fatherhood blind.  I've seen a great example.

My dad made up his mind to give me something he never had, a father figure.  He fought for me without ever having had a father fight for him.  I honor him for that.

Thanks dad, for breaking a vicious cycle.  Thanks for always believing in me.  And thanks for standing at the altar with me and speaking your blessing over my future.

In a room full of great men you'll be the best.

Last Words of a Bachelor

I had a great time yesterday celebrating my last Sunday as a single dude!  I finished up our series Last Words of a Bachelor with a message I called Worth the Wait.  Feel free to check it out on the podcast.

During this round of reflections, I've come back to this thought several times.  I feel so much gratitude for the opportunity I've had to plant and serve Church of the King.

At the end of my message yesterday I took a moment to thank our church for their love, support, partnership and prayers the past six years.  When Leah and I shared our engagement story in August, several people in the church told her after the service that she was an answer to their prayers.  I really feel honored by the way so many in our church have journeyed with me as a single pastor, loving me and praying over my future.  The upcoming wedding has definitely been a cause to celebrate for all of us.

I feel more energized than ever about the vision of our church.  We're headed into a missions emphasis during the next few weeks.  Our leadership teams are also beginning to dream about some outreach opportunities this Easter.  I can't wait to see how God will stretch us and use us this year to connect our city to Christ!

Last night Eddie surprised me and showed up at my house with several guys from the church for an impromptu bachelor party.  So thankful for a day to celebrate life and marriage with my church family!

Reflections::2

Today I asked a friend of mine what he bought his groomsmen when he got married.  I'm collecting some final gift ideas so I can properly honor my guys.  He said, "I don't remember, but I'm sure it was something practical, not like a pocket knife or anything."  About ten minutes later I asked another friend what the best gift was that he'd received as a groomsmen in a wedding.  His response: A pocket knife:)

That led to a lengthy discussion about whether or not real men carry knives, but it didn't provide me with much help for my quest.

Great friends worth honoring have been filling my thoughts this week.  So here's a second thought as I continue to reflect out loud. 

God has blessed me with incredible mentors and friends. 

The list of men who have impacted my life continues to grow.  It includes two youth pastors who believed in me as an acne-faced teenager.  It includes three church planters who passed their passion on to me.  It includes childhood friends from Adrian, high school basketball teammates, Bible College friends, roommates, and all of my Church of the King entourage!  The list even includes some new relationships such as my two classmates who gave me their best marriage advice tonight over dinner.  On Monday night I got a call from a life-long friend who now serves as a youth pastor in Kansas City.  He blessed me for about the one-thousandth time in the course of our friendship.

Life and ministry have moved some of my closest friends all over the world.  Even though I won't see all of them next week, I'm thinking of them, and thankful for them. 

My journey through singleness has included some lonely moments.  But I've never been alone.  Not even close. 

I've had the honor of walking with more than a few good men.

Reflections

Well, my bachelor days are down to eleven and counting!  The days are flying by right now as I'm wrapping up projects in preparation for the wedding and honeymoon. 

Actually, just typing that makes me want to time travel to January 19!

I'm in Florida this week attending my last four days of class before the wedding.  I'm also sharing a house with eight other senior pastors who are a part of my church leadership cohort.  Without getting into all the details, I'll just tell you that they're having way too much fun with the kid who's about to get married in eleven days:)

I always feel reflective after the New Year; this year even more.  So my hope between now and the wedding is to use my blog to record some of my reflections.

At the start of 2007 I'd never even met Leah Edwards.  Eleven months later we're walking down the aisle.  So here's one of the thoughts I've been reflecting on the most this past week.

God can accomplish quite a bit in one year.

I'm not sure what your personal goals, dreams and prayers are as you start 2008.  But I am sure of this.  God can do each of those things and so much more.

Be encouraged as you evaluate your expectations for 2008.  Anything can happen before 2009!

40 Days of Patience

In forty days I'll be a married man!  A few years ago we took our church through 40 Days of Purpose.  Today I'm launching my own campaign: 40 Days of Patience!

Here are some of goals for the campaign:

I want to learn as much as possible.  I've been gathering as many nuggets of marriage advice as I can from just about everyone I meet.  I've got a few more books I want to digest.  And this Friday Leah and I will complete our last session of pre-marital counseling.  I expect that most of what I'll learn about marriage will be through practice, but I appreciate a little advance training!

I want to reflect on singleness.  On January 19 I'll finish an incredible season of my life.  I believe singleness is both a gift and an opportunity.  I'll try and use my blog during the next few weeks to process some personal reflections from my journey.

I want to guard my sexual purity.  I used to think that temptation would die down once the finish line was in sight.  Wrong!  I'm leaning on God's grace, Leah's partnership, and the encouragement of some spiritual brothers to finish well.

I want to get used to serving Leah.  This verse feels like the greatest challenge of my life.  I need all the practice I can get.

Most of all, I'm hoping to maximize the character development that only comes through patience and perseverance.  There are some seasons of life, like engagement, that I'd just prefer to bypass.  But I know every season is strategic.

I've had U2's song 40 on repeat the past few days.  It's my campaign theme song, and simply echoes the first few verses of Psalm 40.

I waited patiently for the Lord...

...and Leah:)

Holiday Rewind

Leah beat me to the punch with a blogging recap of our Thanksgiving week.  So if you're interested in reading a bit more, go here.

I'll just say that it really was a blast to spend the week with her my new family.  Here's the sixty second rundown:

• We laughed alot.
• We watched Elf.  Will Ferell at his best.  I think I like that movie better every time I see it.
• Ashley (my new sister-in-law) turned twenty six!
• Saw a car chase stunt show at MGM Studios that rocked.
• The Packers made us look like Turkeys.  Can you believe that a few weeks ago I was tempted to go public on this very blog with my hopeful optimism for the Lions?  Now the "p" word looks like a very distant possibility:(
• I was indoctrinated into the Disney culture.  Four theme parks in three days.  Didn't even pick up a golf club.
• Enjoyed thinking about God's great Providence.  Last Thanksgiving I was almot three months away from even meeting the future Leah Leach.  And now I'm enjoying a whole family of new relationships. 

Amazing grace indeed.

Sinking In

Sunday night our church threw Leah and I an engagement party.  It was a blast.  And we were both blown away by everyone's love and generosity.  I really feel thankful for the way that our church is embracing Leah!

When we walked into the building and saw all the black and red decorations (our wedding colors), Leah turned to me and smiled.  We could both feel the reality of marriage sinking in.  And I've got to admit that receiving silverware, flatware, blenders and towels was alot more fun than I thought.  Can't wait for my house to get a woman's touch:)

On the Receiving End

Friday was alot of fun as Leah and I began our pre-marital counseling.  Jeff Leake agreed to accept the challenge of preparing us for marriage!  God has used Pastor Jeff as a pastor and mentor in both of our lives.  His wife Melodie also joined us.  She even brought sandwiches!

I haven't done alot of pre-marital counseling in my six years as a single pastor, but the experiences I've had helped me appreciate what Jesus did in Leah and I on Friday.  He really spoke to us!  Personally, I felt like I came away with a better understanding of how I can serve my bride to be.

I'm thankful for opportunities like this to practice what I preach.  I've encouraged several couples to receive counseling before getting married.  If we're not careful, the urgent demands of planning a wedding can supercede the more important demands of planning for marriage.  It felt great to sit on the couch this time!

Not to mention I can see how this counseling thing can get addictive.  Pastor Jeff might need to start worrying.  I have his cell phone number:)